Idle Chatter

The back-of-the-rag humor column for Chatter magazine.

Once More, With Feeling

If you are not seated, please sit down. If you are seated, buckle up. If you are buckled up, you may want to stop reading now if you’re prone to carsickness. Settled in? Okay, then. The haphazard collection of words currently assaulting your senses – both sight and...

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Mo’ Myrrh, Mo’ Problems

Back in olden days (before 1972 for reasons that make me middle-aged), Christmas shopping was relatively easy. The postman hauled the Sears Wish Book to your house, your kids tore out what they wanted and taped the pictures to the dog, you bought a few of said items...

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The Graven

Once upon a Thursday evening, with spirit spent and eyeballs bleary, Post the bedtime stories’ reading of wimpy kids and Hobbit lore – I plopped down on the divan, with universal remote in hand, Turned on the TV (not the 4K version I’d been begging for) To...

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All Apologies

This summer, in between battling my accursed lawn (it won), driving hither and yon with the family, and being employed, I spent time studying. With an actual book. In an attempt to gain useful knowledge that I can apply to my daily existence. In other words, wholly...

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Temple of Dad

If I’ve learned one thing about the internet, it’s that it is okay to spell it with a lowercase “I” in spite of what my 2008 version of Microsoft Word believes. But the eternal battle against Clippy aside, I’ve also gleaned that the internet is full of knowledge....

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Hitchhiking Along the Romans Road

I have three kids. My wife also has three kids. They are – as far as we can tell – the same kids, despite their predilections for pulling rather convincing Jekyll-and-Hyde acts depending on which one of us is presently crushing their tiny, obstinate wills into...

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Reign of the Easter Goat

Easter, as a holiday, is a bit confusing. The effect to Christmas’s cause, Easter sits as the defining moment of Christianity, representing the singular event without which our faith is futile, our morality meaningless and our affinity for alliteration even more...

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A Pox of Kardashians

This winter, few things have been hotter, Biblically speaking, than the Exodus. Hotter than the Second Coming. Hotter than driving your life purposefully. Hotter than C.S. Lewis at the New Converts class. Hotter than naming your hipster-friendly side service “The...

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The Smoover Side of Fellowship

Dating is hard. And by dating I mean the physical act of pitching and catching woo (don’t worry, it’s non-toxic) and not messaging kissy-faced emoji to thy weekly soul mate until you accidentally text your mom that she’s your “rib match.” It requires thought,...

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